There was alarmist news in the Daily Mail this weekend. Specifically, that the human race would split into two distinct species within the next 3,000 years, a prediction by “evolutionary theorist Oliver Curry from the London School of Economics, who says that the human race will have reached its physical peak by the year 3000.” The two predicted human species are 1) the smart, gorgeous crowd, and 2) the cretin knuckle draggers. The basis for Mr. Curry’s whole theory is that persistent sexual selection means, eventually, diverging breeds.
Women of the world are all, undoubtedly, having the same reaction: Clearly, this guy’s never read a romance novel.
Hairy, brawny, scarred, knuckle-dragging and even wicked—it’s all good as long as a man loves a feisty woman. Hunchback of Notre Dame, Beauty and the Beast, Phantom of the Opera…should I keep going?
Oliver Curry’s theory isn’t even original, but instead, based on a LoTR world view–you’ve got fairies, and you’ve got trolls, and never the twain shall meet. It’s really a kind of extreme racism/classism. However, if you look around, there are plenty of real-life troll/fairy pairings. Donald and Melania, for one.
Sadly, the reverse is almost never true (or glorified by popular culture). There are no stories of Orlando Blooms falling for the misshapen girl-next-door. Which means that women will, based on Oliver Curry’s theories, be the ones who save the human race (again)–this time by looking for character traits, instead of the superficial physical traits he thinks will win the day (and yes, he does think the male master race will have bigger penises).
As for how Mister Curry came up with his theory, well, apparently this is a guy who’s taken rejection to a whole new level…
For this, Mr. Oliver Curry wins this week’s BOGUS Award [Bias Of Guy (Under-Socialized)].
Got a great modern-day troll/fairy pairing to list? Got an idea for a gender switch story for the Hunchback of Notre Dame? Share it with the Doc Gurley readers in our comments section.