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Doc Gurley

Posts from an Insane Healthcare System

Recipe for Disaster

May 14th, 2008 · 1 Comment

I found out from the media that I have Godlike powers, given to me by a federal commission. Someone, however, apparently forgot to tell my children - I specifically commanded Grace to eat her breakfast, but then, less than three minutes later, I found her plate on the floor with the dog licking it. Perhaps there has been a communications glitch?

But that hardly seems likely. After all, the announcement of my God status was plastered all over the national news last week - a federal commission of experts released a report outlining the steps that doctors should take in the event of major disaster. These federal experts specifically mentioned the fact that “Godlike” powers should be used by doctors to decide who should live and who should die. On the spot.

As a God, I decided to step over the breakfast plate (and the dog) and hurry in to clinic. Some minion would, undoubtedly, clean the mess up later. But after I arrived at work, I thought at first that no one there knew about my promotion - I mean, why would there be such a pall hanging over the place?

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Lace Up! It’s a Girl Thing

May 15th, 2008 · No Comments

Great news! Researchers have discovered that regular exercise for teens can reduce the risk of breast cancer later in life - especially the more-aggressive, usually-harder-to-treat, pre-menopausal kind of breast cancer. How much exercise are we talking about? Not an extreme athlete kind. The study found the lowest risk among girls who did 3 and 1/4 hours a week of strenuous exercise, or 13 hours a week of walking - that was the most extreme levels. Studies have long shown that exercise reduces breast cancer rates in middle age (and beyond), but this is the first study (and it was a large, overall well-done study) to show protective benefit in girls. The biggest impact was among those girls who started youngest - age 12. So how do you put this information to use?

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Mutiny on the Potty

May 13th, 2008 · 1 Comment

Airplane PottyIn what may be the first case of corporation-induced hemorrhoids, a Jet Blue passenger has sued because it is alleged he was made to sit on the potty on a flight for several hours. Oh, wait, we take that back, corporations have been inducing hemorrhoids (physical and psychic) in office workers for decades. Apparently sitting there was better than sitting in a jump seat (for whom, we wonder?). At least he got to skip the in-flight movie. And he’s lucky he didn’t get charged extra for the extra leg room.

We will return to our regularly scheduled flight programming shortly.

 

Great (hic!) Article

May 8th, 2008 · No Comments

There are a lot of not-so-great health articles floating in the ether. It’s so nice when one comes along that’s well-researched, practical and interesting. Here’s a great article about (hic!), you guessed it - hiccups. Hiccups aren’t the world’s #1 public health menace (that would be, apparently, computer keyboards), but this article is so full of tidbits that both you and your kids might enjoy it. After all (hic!), who doesn’t get the hiccups? Bonus: Want to know two quirky personal hiccup facts about Doc Gurley? Click here for [MORE...]

 

Let’s Pre-Round!

May 7th, 2008 · No Comments

Doc Gurley is the guest at Medscape’s Pre-Rounds! Check out her interview by Nick Genes, the creator of Pre-Rounds at Medscape and Grand Rounds of blogs. So what the heck is pre-rounds? Other than something less impressive-sounding than Grand Rounds? Medscape Pre-Rounds, in inimitable Nick Genes style, means an early, in-depth interview with a writer who’s hosting Grand Rounds of healthcare blogs. Real pre-rounds, in actual practice, are a time-honored hospital process that you pretty much never see in the TV versions of medicine. Here’s an insider peek at the whole complicated process:

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Are Your Utensils Causing Dementia?

May 4th, 2008 · 1 Comment

Are you feeling overwhelmed by the conflicting stories in the news about what pan is safe to use? Are you starting to eyeball that plastic waterbottle of yours like it might contain a Medici poisoning? Was the homeless man actually right - is aluminum foil causing brainwaves? Would someone please answer the question - is all this utensil fear-mongering based on myths, or not?

Here is a good, solid article from Prevention magazine about what to toss from your bottom cabinets. I like this article (two stethoscopes up!) because, if you can’t replace an item, the author includes tips on how to minimize your exposures until you can. Now’s a great time of year to sort through those kitchen shelves, and budget a little extra to treat yourself to a healthier version. Spring clean for health! But do you get sticker shock when you look at the safer products? We here at the Doc Gurley Healthcare Headquarters (also known as “home”), all gave each other one relatively expensive safer water-bottle for a gift treat (birthday coming up, anyone?). It sounds like a lame gift, but in actual practice was fun, self-indugent-feeling, good for the earth, and came with that extra gift of owner-smugness that always makes a present sooo worthwhile. [MORE...]

 

Spring Clean Your Thoughts With Bertha Stuart

May 1st, 2008 · 1 Comment

Doc Gurley: We want to start today’s interview by first congratulating you, Bertha, on the very successful launch of your new magazine, Bertha Stuart Livering. Could you tell us a bit about how you chose the name - there’s been so much media speculation.

Bertha Stuart: Well, Dr. Gurley - you don’t mind if I call you Doc, for short, do you? - see, Doc, we found in our focus groups that there were few words that got a bigger reaction when it came to the topic of cleaning and interior design, than the word LIVER. So that’s what we went with.

DG: Um. Did you, by any chance, ask if those strong reactions were negative?

BS: What?

DG: [cough] Never mind. Our topic today is spring cleaning, and no one knows spring cleaning like Bertha Stuart.

BS: That’s right, Doc. It’s the season for a good scrub out, and nothing gets me more excited than taking an organized approach, and putting aside the time to do the job right. By the end of this project, if you follow my approach, you’ll have, ready to toss, at least one large double-ply-bag’s worth of nasty, stinky, crusted negative thoughts.

DG: Did you say thoughts? [MORE...]

 

Grand Rounds Smack Down

April 29th, 2008 · 23 Comments

“Are you ready to ruum-ble? This week here at Doc Gurley is the Grand Rounds Smack Down edition, where the best contenders of the health care blogosphere wrestle down and dirty with tough, scary topics. Just like being in the ring, there’s no orderly progression of characters here – this ain’t ballet, folks. At any moment, something huge and impressive could come flying out of left field and hit you (ka-pow!) right between the eyes! There’s no first, no last – we’re here to entertain (and take out a few bad guys while we’re at it). We’ve got a lot of contestants, oops, I mean, submissions, vaulting into the ring. One thing’s for sure - if you hang with it to the end of this week’s match, right up to the point when the lights dim in the arena, you’ll be entertained. [MORE...]

 

Gack! I Never Thought I’d Say It…

April 25th, 2008 · 1 Comment

The words just don’t want to come out of my mouth - hang on a sec while I give my chest a thump - okay, here goes: It’s time for all of us to stand up for our local smokers’ rights. See, I’m passionately anti-tobacco. I watched cigarettes kill my dad. I see patients struggle with hideous, smoking-caused diseases, and still can’t quit smoking. This isn’t rare - we’re talking every single day I’m at clinic. When you multiply the numbers across America, the total devastation from cigarettes (and the total profit) is mind-boggling. I see patients with lots of different kinds of addictions, but smoking is one deep-rooted parasite once it gets its claws into you. I also see secondhand smoke horrors - both wicked asthma in household members, and lung disease in spouses who’ve lived with heavy smokers without ever taking a puff. But, proving you should never say never, here I am, Doc Gurley, calling on all Americans to stand up and defend your local smoker. What the heck could bring me to this point? Here’s what:

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His Daveness…AGAIN!

April 23rd, 2008 · No Comments

It was a grey day. I broke my fingernail. Sartre-like ennui pervaded my very soul, seeping through me like a miasma - much like the way an ominous green spill pervades a super-absorbent Hefty-brand towelette during Saturday morning TV ads. We’re talking a total soul suck. With a death-rattle sigh, I dragged my pale fingers across the keyboard. And then…

YES!! Another question answered by Dave Barry! Blinding light shone through the clouds! My husband stuck his fingers in his ears to avoid ear-bleeding high-pitched squeals!! I was transformed into a veritable 1950’s perky heel-wearing, mop-loving (how can she be so happy about cleaning products without pharmaceuticals?) wonder!

Q Dear Presidential Frontrunner, Will you be releasing your entire medical and psychiatric-evaluation records to the public (like McCain did in 2000), and, if so, what are you going to do about the highlighted footnote on page 327?

Answered 04/23/08 13:35:37 by Dave Barry

A: That was a consenting hedgehog.

So what’s the health-lesson here, besides a nationwide desire to get Doc Gurley some psychiatric help?
Well, that moment for me, that flip from listless, to nuclear-powered energy, that’s the power of silliness. That’s the reason to find your own Joy Habit, and indulge it whenever you get the chance. Find something that makes you smile, something innocuous and silly (fingerpaints hidden in a kitchen drawer? Joke-A-Day website?) and make it a habit. Think of it as stretching exercises for the soul. Feeling stiff and brittle? Time to limber up - with a little giggle every now and then.

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